I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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