So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
