Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
