woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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