Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
