If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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