im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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