I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
