I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There's always time for handjobs
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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