i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
