Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
