he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
