I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
