happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
