And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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