They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
