he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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