meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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