I think my fart just growled at me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
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i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
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I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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