He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
