It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
