sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
