when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
