I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
