i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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