Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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