Whoa Z and x make the same sound
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
