final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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