He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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