I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
