rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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