Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
