so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
