Someone shit on the floor
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
