My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
