"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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