turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
