Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
