Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
