i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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