remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
