This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
