I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
