That's when you crack a 10am beer
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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