You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
