Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
