i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
