Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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