During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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