I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
