I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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