Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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