I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
