After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
