So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
