That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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