thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
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I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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