wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
