I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
