You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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