You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
