Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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