I wish i was in the wii world.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
