he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
two words...techno handjob
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He shit in the fireplace
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
