If you die in college, do you die in real life?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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