I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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