the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
