dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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