Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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