she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
