hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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