Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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