I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
