the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
