yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it's great music for shaving your balls
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My dad is sitting where you rode me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
