I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
